Gym for the Mind

Whatever the profession, hitting a plateau isn’t fun. Interestingly, athletes have a remedy for this unpleasant state — they call it “shocking the system”. For them a state of plateau occurs because muscle groups adapt to a specific training stimulus when its type, volume and/or intensity does not change over time. So to counter that, they continuously vary their training routines and periods of recovery. Effect: body gets shocked every 4 to 5 weeks and has to start adapting all over again (i.e., build more muscle tissue).

What if we apply this technique to the domain of creativity? Could it be that varying between different types of creative work (e.g., writing × design × photography) could improve the fitness of our minds more than focusing on just one area (e.g., only writing)? My guess is yes. That’s what we do during our early years at school after all: switch from one subject to the next. Until we get to higher education that is, where we are told to become experts in one thing, keep our mouths shut and start paying taxes finally. Hmmm maybe that’s part of the reason why quite a bit of influential people in our history didn’t do so well at school? Because if anybody, those guys definitely did not stick to one discipline (think here Leonardo da Vinci, Steve Jobs, Richard Branson, Isaac Newton, and Pablo Picasso). Again, this could be just a coincidence. Or could it?

The “But Sentence"

We all know the "but sentence", the lousy attempt at feedback that ends up being more annoying than it actually is helping. Like getting a chocolate bar that’s full of salty filling inside — it teases you with a tasty treat only to disappoint you in the end, leaving a bad taste afterwards too. Never mind that chocolate bars with salty filling don't exist (maybe that's why), the "but sentence" is hardly a wining formula for giving feedback. Yet few things in life are perfect and there is often room for improvement, so banishing “but” altogether isn’t probably a good idea either. How about flipping the “but sentence” around then, such that we would mention the negative bit up front and follow up with the positive stuff? For example, instead of saying “I like your presentation but you could have used less slides” we could say “You could have used less slides but I like your presentation”. Doesn't that sound better? It could be that simple — the "but sentence” goes first, and all the goodness follows afterwards. The end result of this chop and change could be that those on the receiving end get to keep their egos warm and cosy plus the added bonus of knowing what they could do better next time. More importantly, you could get your point across.

Year 2008

I have been contemplating what to say in my final post this year for a very long time. In every sense 2008 has been an extraordinary year, extremely rich in thought provoking experiences (the good, the bad and ugly) as well as in many fantastic people that I had a pleasure to meet on my way. Bringing it all to a close seemed like a gargantuan challenge, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it right. But in the end, following the words of Winston Churchill: “perfectionism spells paralysis”, I gave it a shot anyway.

The Good

2008 got a kick-start in Lycoming College (Williamsport, PA), where I had a great pleasure to study and work alongside American students. In the midst of the US Presidential Campaign, former President Bill Clinton as well as the then presidential candidate, now, President Elect Barack Obama came to the college and I had the privilege to personally greet both of them. It was absolutely brilliant! Around the same time I also won a business plan contest held in town, something that I regard as one of the most important personal achievements to date. Overall, these, and many other events opened my eyes of sorts and life after America will never be the same again. To put it into perspective, without this experience, I have serious doubts whether I would have anything to write on this blog at all.

Shaking hands with Obama

Back in London, I got possibly the best part time job on the planet – Specialist at Apple Regent Store. At the store I met some of the most talented people ever, and they all continue to have a tremendous impact on my personality. Through working there I became more open, more compassionate and eager to do something for and with others. I hope I became easier to get along with as well.

The Bad

I will always remember this year for the troubles in the relationship with my girlfriend. After almost two years we broke up in October and as much as I am still confused, I am ashamed to admit that I am responsible for what we have been through.

But as with all things in life, there was a good side to this – at last I realised how little I knew about partnership and life in general, and how immature and selfish I was compared to what my initial thoughts were. Without this insight I don’t know how long more it would have taken me to finally understand what I did wrong and begin my quest for self-improvement.

The Ugly

2008 also marks one of the most unlucky incidents I have had in my life. It all started when I missed my connecting flight from London to Amsterdam, subsequently missing the flight to America. The story is full of unlucky coincidences and I will not go in more detail but let’s just say, flying is not my cup of tea;)

Another ugly memory of the year was me getting sick all the time. In total, I caught a cold 7 times and as of writing this post I am still recovering from flu! Because this year I have been following a very well balanced diet, I would say that it was the continuing stress that took my body defences down, something to be seriously taken care of in future.

2009, here I come!

Looking back, 2008 has been an amazing year and I could hardly ask for more. I finally begun to understand myself and became happy about the man I am. Likewise, I started to realise what life is all about and begun to see how to properly function as a member of the society. I developed a genuine interest in other people, and feel great whenever I can meet someone new. I finally feel that I am headed in the right direction. I feel that I have the majority, if not all of the pieces of the puzzle called life and finally can start putting them together. It might be hard, and there is going to be a lot of challenges ahead, but you know what? I love it all! 2009, here I come!!!

The Third Step: "Shouldn’t Have Club"

As said earlier, this summer I implemented the “Three Step Personal Development Plan”. So far, I described the First and the Second steps of that plan. Because of my holiday, and subsequent departure to London I did not tell the final piece of the story. Well, now, as the summer is coming to an end (21st of September is the last day of summer, theoretically of course - because in practice it has long been over!) I feel that it's about time to do so.

Go for it!

The Third Step then. Join the “I Shouldn’t Have” club says Jeffrey J. Fox, author of the book How to Become CEO: The Rules for Rising to the Top of Any Organization. What does it mean? To cut the story short: “go for it”!

Sometimes, for a variety of reasons, we do not do things we would like to do. Subsequently in these situations we never know what would happen if we actually did something. We often then come to regret what we didn’t do – we join the “I Should Have” club! The author of the book argues to the exact opposite – join the “I Shouldn’t Have” club and not only you will be spared this hopeless feeling but also most of the time you will achieve something.

Really, it is hard for me to illustrate the powerful point that Jeffrey J. Fox makes in his book without quoting the author himself. But because I do not have it at hand I refer you to the book itself and Fox’s excellent explanation of the concept for better understanding.

Ready to go for it in Monaco

A simple question, a plain answer

In the meantime, try to answer a simple question: what would you rather see, a football match with plenty of shots on goal and two actual goals or a one with equal amount of goals but no shots at all besides that? I think the answer is pretty clear! Even if we miss, it is much more exciting to just try!

So this is the concept that I introduced to my life this summer and tried to execute it in as many situations as possible. For example, I talked to people that I met (in the school, in the gym or in a club) that I would not normally talk to. I also did things I would not normally do, such as taking dance classes. Even though for the individual examples I find it hard to see the direct benefit towards my personal development, from the perspective of time, I can see the cumulative benefit it had on me. I became more self-confident (not overconfident!) and can take decisions more easily. I also learnt not to be bothered with failures (which does not mean forgetting about them!), because all in all they are an inevitable part of life, why not simply accept them?

Moral of the story

Moral of the story is that it is much more exciting to give things a try. But if you join the “I Shouldn’t Have” club you will not only have more fun, but also you will increase your odds for success. You will fail at times, but failures happen anyway, so get over it and go for it!

The Second Step

In this post I will outline “the second step” in re-balancing my life. I am trying to learn more about myself by learning more about life. To be more precise, I am doing things I would not normally do to find out how I feel while doing it, so I can see better how my mind works. I am also exploring my hobbies and certain fields of interest to broaden my perspectives and enrich my personality.

A cumbersome list

I compiled the following list of fields of interest (no particular order):

1) Dance

2) Fashion

3) Art and design

4) Photography

5) Poetry

6) Physics and universe

7) Languages

8) Psychology

Then, I set out trying to find out what would be a good way to realise it.

Example from Korea (of what not to do!)

Normally, I would set a very ambitious target for a subject like the ones above and do WHATEVER it takes to achieve it. For example, last year, in Korea I said to myself: “I must speak Korean by the end of my stay”! I succeeded, indeed. But, honestly, I sacrificed so many other things, that I doubt that this sacrifice was actually worth it. That is because I could have allowed myself to do more of other things (e.g. playing football, going out with friends, visiting interesting places) that would also benefit me, but in a different way. At the same time, I could compensate the less intensive study of the Korean language by putting more effort into it later during the year. This way I would avoid stress and frustration and develop in a much more balanced way.

Now what’s the deal here? Well, looking at this example made me realise that learning does not necessarily mean committing 100% of energy. It is probably more effective (even though it may take longer) to just have fun with it, without imposing overambitious targets. Especially, in the case of hobbies!

Therefore, this time I simply decided to allow things to just roll on their own rather than fanatically pursue them. Allow them to bloom within me.

This, I think, shows what I am trying to say - it takes time to achieve something, so why rush things up?

Chop the list into pieces!

Taking the above-mentioned thesis as my prerogative I got rid of half of the subjects from the list. This way only dance, fashion, art and language made it to the final four.

I kept it simple. I enrolled in a dance school (just one lesson per week), bought a couple of fashion magazines and made a list of museums I wanted to see. I also enrolled on a weekend Korean course to have a bit of practice. The rest of the topics I left for “unspecified later”. And you know what? I am glad! I am doing what I like, and I am avoiding stupid stress.

One of the places on my museum list -
The Royal Picture Gallery Mauritshuis, The Hague

Almost there

Now, there was yet another thing I wanted to achieve by taking up these various activities. Namely, I wanted to develop my social skills. In particular, I wanted to become more comfortable in meeting new people.

As you may know, I have been travelling a lot recently. And that obviously meant that I was meeting a lot of new people. I had a great time, but in the end I must say that I am not satisfied with the way it often turned out. Why? I simply sucked at being a human being, by default, a social creature. So, by attending courses in dance and Korean I wanted to test, what really works when meeting new people? What does it take to develop that sort of “natural feeling” that one has when being around his or her relatives and closest friends?

To my amazement, here again, I have seen a very simple answer to emerge. Namely, just as with developing new interests, taking it easy and letting the dynamics of the situation guide the process is probably the best way to succeed and enjoy the company of others to the fullest.

Final word

So this is what I am trying to do to get to know myself and the world around me better. And what a difficult task this is! But I am not giving up. It’s already been an immensely rewarding experience. I am glad I came back home this summer.

The First Step

This summer I thought it was time to get to know myself better. In the two and a half years since I left home, and particularly in the last twelve months I've been constantly on the move. I came across new cultures, people and customs. It was great to experience it all, but in the end it was a bit too much. Why? Well, inevitably being exposed to so much in such a short time left a major footprint on my personality. In other words, I simply changed. However, being busy jumping from one spot to another, I was left with little time to take note of these changes and got a bit lost. I became confused because I didn’t know how to lead my life. Particularly, I wanted to know, what is the right balance between work and leisure in life.

The wanderer above the sea of fog
Caspar David Friedrich

Mom, I'm staying at home this time!

Yes, instead of pursuing yet another adventure, I thought, this summer it was time to sit back, relax and contemplate. Primarily, I thought the best way to do this would be through reading biographies of men that had managed to make history as great leaders. This way, I would be able to see better how to lead my life to fulfil my ambitions. I also decided to go through some essential literature on the subjects that interest me professionally, in order to find out what I really want to do in life.

I made the following list of essential reading:

• Caesar: Life of a Colossus – Adrian Goldsworthy

• Napoleon: The Path to Power – Philip Dwyer

• Cicero on the Ideal Orator (De Oratore) – Cicero

• Art of War – Sun Tzu

• Ogilvy On Advertising – David Ogilvy

• The Four Pillars of Investing – William Bernstein

• The Intelligent Investor: The Definitive Book on Value Investing – Benjamin Graham

Why these books?

They are simply one of the best on these topics! Three of the books above ("Caesar", "Art of War" and “The Four Pillars”) I already wanted to read for a while. So, I set off with the excellent biography of Julius Caesar. I immediately became aware of my next target: Napoleon Bonaparte. To put their stories into perspective I choose to include in the list the well know Art of War by Sun Tzu. On top of this I thought it would be useful to read De Oratore by Cicero – the best orator in the history of the ancient Rome – which gives a deep insight into the art of oratory, yet another essential component of leadership, and so politics as well.

Following this I turned to my professional interests: marketing and finance. Ogilvy on Advertising, by the “father of advertising” David Ogilvy, is an interesting study of the subject and I want to find out more about it. Next, I chose to study investing. Here I began with the “Four Pillars” and plan to move on to “The Intelligent Investor”, by the greatest investment theorist EVER - Benjamin Graham (Warren Buffet’s professor and mentor!).

This is the first step

This is how I am trying to find out what I really want to do in life but also what really I can do. The next step is to learn more about life itself. How can I be happy while working hard to fulfil my ambitions? How can I get rid of some of my weaknesses, particularly within the sphere of social interaction? I will take on this subject in my next post.

Summer 2008

I love making plans and creating timetables. I also think I can do it pretty well. But I do suffer from being overly ambitious and keep stacking way too many tasks into relatively little amount of time. That is so often resulting in creating stressful situations, making it even harder to perform well. So, this summer I decided to take it easy. I was extremely busy for the past twelve months and had little to no rest. I lived, worked and studied in three countries after all. So what am I doing this summer? Quite a lot actually!

Summer work is pleasure
La vigne rouge by Vincent van Gogh

Three Step Personal Development Plan

First: I decided to learn more about people and issues related to my ambitions. Here my plan was to read biographies of the most renowned leaders and books concerned with areas of my professional interests. Ultimately, through this I hope to learn more about myself and define what is the meaning of “being successful”.

Second: I decided to broaden my perspectives by learning more about matters not usual for a typical business student. I started with: fashion, dance, cooking, and art. But I thought I should go even further and set upon practicing such trivial tasks such as hairstyling and ironing. The bottom line was: any new skill is progress. Progress means development. And I want to develop.

Third: I decided to become a member of the “I shouldn’t have” club. How does it work? It’s simple. Whenever there is an opportunity to do something, but I feel that it either “will not work” or that “ I can’t be bothered” etc., I just do it! No regrets allowed. I simply go for it, whatever it is.

But why?

In a series of future posts I will attempt to explain the particular motivations that were behind devising these three steps. I promise I will try to keep it interesting!

Thoughts on Angriness

We all get angry and we all know how devastating effects such behaviour can have on the people around us. Why do we act in this way, so often without real reasons? Why do we loose control and act in the total opposite of the way we should and normally do? It is not an easy task to answer these questions! By no means I am trying to do so, but, as usual, provide a bit of an insight. To start with, take a look at the following account of a recent incident that involved my father and me.

The situation

It was a beautiful and sunny day and we planned with my dad to have a dinner on our rooftop terrace. My dad had an appointment at 7 PM and had to leave at 6:30 PM. So we decided to start preparing the meal at 5 PM. But 5 o’clock came and went and I only saw my father in the kitchen at about 5:45 PM. We both, not being used to early dining had forgotten to start cooking. As it usually happens, my dad went to cook and I was going to prepare the table. However, I did not look at the watch and had no idea how late it really was. More than half way through my task, I thought I needed a cold shower because I felt a bit sick from the hot temperature (it was actually VERY hot that day). So I went to have a shower thinking that it will be a while before my father could finish cooking and that I would still have time to finish preparing the table before he actually would do so. I told my father what I was going to do and jumped under the cold water. To my surprise, after taking the shower I saw my father already eating. As I was taking my seat, he made angry remarks about my failure to prepare the table, implying that I would be me fault if he was late for his appointment, and showing discontent with my performance. I argued that I had no idea how late it was and should not be treated in this way, especially because it was him who did not show up in the kitchen on time at first place. Because it was his appointment, it was also his responsibility for the dinner to be on time. We settled there.

Crime scene

This is the case. But what does it mean?

I should begin with yet another question. Namely, why is that a mature man, who knows how to use his brain (wrote several books, speaks six languages!) behaves in this irresponsible way? After all, this situation had no effect on the final outcome of the case – he wasn’t late in the end, and it was easy to see that he wouldn’t be. It only brought discomfort to the both of us (why ruin such a beautiful day anyway?). Even if I did not prepare the table on purpose, why respond with anger and aggression rather than trying to find out what really went wrong and attempting to fix it?

Fight or flee?

I am sure that there is more than one factor written into this. But one particularly seems on heavy duty here. Which one is it? We are all familiar with the “fight or flee” concept. This is where the answer lies.

Our brain is divided into several parts. Amygdala is one of the most primitive regions of the brain, the seat of fear and aggression. It is the impulse centre that controls our decisions when our thinking shuts down. In the words of the psychiatrist Edward Hallowell:

“When those deep brain areas are active, they shanghai your cortical neurons. Your IQ plummets. Your creativity, your sense of humour – all of that disappears. You’re stupid. ”

So, it appears that in stressful situations we can be prompted to enter the fight or flee mode, sometimes for no obvious reasons. In this mode we are not able to make rational choices. We loose control because our decisions are handled by amygdala not by the cortex, which does so under normal circumstances.

Taking control... of yourself!

Now, what is the point that I am trying to make here? Take another look at my father’s reaction in the case above. Now, consider the following alternative.

- My dad, thinking to himself: “Ok, the table is not ready, and I can be late. But there is nothing that will change the past. I must act to lessen the consequences. I can use this situation to demonstrate to my son why he shouldn’t leave a job undone. We can also learn about how important communication under pressure is.”

Can you see how different the picture of my father when comparing the above with the actual situation is!? It is very easy to see the contrast between them two. What is it? It’s control. My dad’s reaction was a sign of him not controlling himself, whereas in the alternative scenario he was totally in control.

So, the point that I am trying to make here is that stressful situations which we all go through on a regular basis whether at school, work or a crowded train home can easily be turned to our advantage if only we are able to handle our emotions. It is not the above average leadership skills, not the high IQ, not even mastering the art of the rhetoric, but simply being able to handle that “inner caveman” what really matters when trying to win others. Or in the words of Jeffrey Fox, author of How to Become CEO:

“Keep yourself in control so that you can keep control of the situation”.

Easier said than done? Maybe. But this is exactly why YOU can make a difference. Most of the others will have already given up!

Soft Skills – Solid Results

“It takes no genius to observe that a one-man band never gets very big” - says Charles Garfield, one of America's leading authorities on high achievement. The matter is indeed very simple: we do have to work in teams to achieve more. But as in everything in life, there is a catch. Working with others involves a great deal of extra effort, which we are no always willing to undertake or just don’t know how to do it. The truth is, in most cases our upbringing and school life is not representative of what awaits us in our professional life. This way we are by default deprived of becoming what is called “street smart”. Soft skills are one of the elements of being street smart. Soft skills determine how we interact with one another.

What to do then, to get things “right”, if for some reason you have not been blessed with mastering soft skills so far? First of all practice! “Practice what!?” you might say. Luckily, last week, Lycoming College hosted an event titled “Secrets to Success – Mastering Soft Skills”. It was a set of six 10-minute presentations delivered by the school’s students. Here are some interesting facts that should help answering this question.

Presentation I – Small Talk

Conversation Criminals (don't be one of them!):

1. The FBI Agent – asks a lot of questions, does not wait for your answer.

2. The One-Upper – always has done better than you have.

3. The Monopoliser – does not stop talking.

4. The Poor Sport – changes open ended questions into closed ones.

5. The Adviser – gives advice no matter whether you want it or not.

Presentation II – Written Communication

• Most important piece of information first.

• Emphasis is on your audience.

• Use plain English - clear and concise, free of technical terms.

Presentation III– Group Communication

• Cohesiveness is the degree to which group members want to stay in the group and are committed to the group.

• Cohesiveness leads to increased productivity.

• Competition decreases cohesiveness.

Presentation IV – Presentational Speaking

Follow the format:

A. Tell them what you’re going to tell them.

B. Tell them.

C. Tell them what you told them.

Presentation V – Arguing Constructively

Objective: find common ground, not attack.

Presentation VI – Leadership

The leader has five contributions to team effectiveness:

• Create a shared vision.

• Appropriately allocate resources.

• Build mutual trust, respect and cooperation.

• Competently motivate members of the group.

• Committed to improvement.

As you can see, soft skills do add tremendously to your life, to your self-esteem and ultimately... to your resume. Work on them now, otherwise they will come back and hunt you down in any professional setting you will find yourself in. After all, you may have the best idea but if, primo, you have nobody to help you with it, secundo you cannot communicate it to others and tertio you cannot get people to work on the idea effectively it will still be worth close to nothing, if at all. And remember, practice makes perfect!

The Way of the Samurai

“The Book of Five Rings” by Miyamoto Musashi has been in my hands for a couple of days now. There is already so much I want to say with respect to what the book talks about. Nevertheless, I will refrain from doing so until actually will have finished reading. What I will do, though, is share with you a couple of quotes from it. The following are extracts from the first part of the book - The Earth Scroll.

五輪書 宮本 武蔵

“With the science of martial arts of my individual school outlined above, by diligent practice day and night the mind is naturally broadened; (…) For people who want to learn my military science there are rules for learning the art:

1. Think of what is right and true.

2. Practice and cultivate the science.

3. Become acquainted with the arts.

4. Know the principles of the crafts.

5. Understand the harm and benefit in everything.

6. Learn to see everything accurately.

7. Become aware of what is not obvious.

8. Be careful even in small matters.

9. Do not do anything useless.

(…) Once you have learnt the principle, you should not be defeated even in individual combat against twenty or thirty opponents”.

“The science of martial arts is not just a matter of reading these writings. Taking what is written here personally, do not think you are reading or learning, and do not make up an imitation; taking the principles as if they were discovered from your own mind, identify with them constantly and work on them carefully”.

Cool, isn’t?

AMAZON: The Book of Five Rings